Why I choose to honor my marriage over “girl talk”
I got made fun of recently simply because I love my man, because I choose to honor my marriage, because I refuse to play a game in which I secretly keep a list of people that I would rather be with instead of him. I guess my views are just too uncool these days. But luckily, I’ve never considered myself part of the cool crowd.
I got the big eye roll and label of “that Christian who doesn’t have fun”. As if being dedicated to my marriage, being a Christian, and being a wife who puts my husband first is a negative thing. Why is it fun to pretend to share a bed with another man, share intimate moments, share passion? Why is it funny to joke about our vows to each other as if it were possible that someone could step in and break it apart if they’re attractive enough? How shallow.
Matthew 5:28 but I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart.
I refuse to let my marriage be the butt of some joke. As if my husband is a menial substitution for what I really want. We work hard at this. Our marriage is literally a work of love, sweat and tears. It’s not to be tossed through the mud with silly giggles of pretend unfaithfulness. I’m proud and fiercely protective of what we’ve established in the sight of God. My marriage, the same as my children (another lifelong work of love) are relationships that I don’t treat casually, and I wouldn’t dare let someone else treat them with disregard.
Matthew 12:33-35 “Either make the tree good and its fruit good, or make the tree bad and its fruit bad, for the tree is known by its fruit. You brood of vipers! How can you speak good, when you are evil? For out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks. The good person out of his good treasure brings forth good, and the evil person out of his evil treasure brings forth evil.”
So the push back I’d get from this post is oh, it’s just harmless fun. But I challenge that, let’s say “what if”? What if you your funny joke actually happened and you broke your vow, you broke your spouse’s heart, you broke your home, and you broke your family. What if you knew there was power in your words, would you be talking like this? Would a broken life be worth being part of the in crowd?
Proverbs 18:21 The tongue can bring death or life; those who love to talk will reap the consequences.
So then, call it whatever you want, I’ll call it devotion. I choose to not allow the boundaries of my mind roam free in the name of playing harmful games? I choose to use my words to build up my marriage, and to never give time to senseless chattering and idle thoughts.
Romans 13:14 But put on the Lord Jesus Christ, and make no provision for the flesh in regard to its lusts.
Truth is if you don’t require folks to treat you with respect, sadly they won’t. Call me what you will, but I’m a proud wife who believes in the power of words, and will never allow others to shame me into using destructive ones.
Philippians 4:8 Finally, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, dwell on these things.
Friends, understand this, there’s much to be said about the secrets we let simmer in our hearts. The enemy has a way of sneaking in and waiting us out. Then at the right moment, in rough patches and difficult times, these unfaithful thoughts begin to bubble back to the surface. For these reasons, I don’t dangle danger in front of it for the sake of sparing myself from ridicule.
James 1 14-15 But each one is tempted when he is carried away and enticed by his own lust. Then when lust has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and when sin is accomplished, it brings forth death.
The reaction I got from after declining to play along makes me wonder, does my refusal to play bring about conviction in others? Is that why they thought it was okay to attempt to shame me? And if so, maybe it’s them who should begin to question why they’re still playing this game.
Ephesians 4:29 Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.
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Ladies, remember we need to stay in payer. Bring all things before God.
To help you do that, I want to give you these prayer cards.
40 Comments
Wow. These words are powerful and an amazing testimony to God’s working in your life and your marriage. Reminds me of the verse 1 John 2:15, and the call to not love the world. Choosing to give up on being liked by those around us with differing values, often means forsaking God. I’m so glad you choose to be an example and choose respecting your husband and God above that. Inspiring message, thank you for sharing!
Nicole, thank you for taking time to read this post. There was a time in my life (when I was much younger) when I may have indulged in these conversations, but the closer I’ve come to God the easier it is to stand with Him. Also, how could I embarrass my husband with such talk, to embarrass him is to embarrass myself. NOt only that, he’s the man I chose, the man I know God chose for me, so these conversation and that line of thought is fruitless.
My husband and I never down grade each other and feel the saddest when we hear other people speak ill of their spouse. Could be the simplest thing like call me the old lady or him the old man. Keep setting the example and calling people out who do this.
I know Candy, it’s so sad to hear spouses rip each other apart, or even at the other end of that spectrum, to not think of each other at all! When I hear that I wish I could ask them to go back to the moments when they knew they wanted to be with each other forever, to remember those times and try to build off it again.
It sickens me to think anyone would even joke about fooling around outside their marriage. Once I committed to my husband I then pushed down any thoughts of other men. He was it and I was going to honor him. Thank you for your words on this!
When I hear people talking like this, I wonder if they really meant “it’s ok, we do it to each other” or if they’re really hurt on the inside and just trying to make themselves feel better, if the wounds are deep and this is their way of dealing with the hurt is to pretend this is all ok?
This is so powerful! Thank you for sharing this story – I am totally with you!
Thanks Tawni! It’s good to know that although I may stand by myself in a particular conversation, there are many who feel the same as I do!
Wonderful post, awesome words, your husband is your first ministry, the two of you are one in Christ; bless him and the Lord will bless you; pray for your friends who enjoy ‘girl talk’ God bless you
Jennifer, thank you for this encouragement! I absolutely feel that together we are one, and what one does surly affects the other.
I love this and the comments left by other people. I like to see people honoring their marriage vs getting caught up in “trash talking”. We all joke about silly things but it can easily be taken too far. Thank you for standing up for your marriage and letting some of us know we are not alone.
Dawn, Yes!! Me too! I love all these comments, I love connecting with others. I find that jokes like this often open the door, even if it’s just a crack, to make others feel they are welcome to make comments on my personal relationship with my husband. Because I sit out, they may feel that I’m judging them, so the easiest way for them to get me to stop doing that (which I’m totally not) is to have me join in. So rather than having to tell someone they’re out of line, I would rather shut it all down at the start.
I have enjoyed this post so so so much, Jennifer! Loved your thoughts on the importance of marriage and the verses you quoted. Broke my heart to read people would joke about things like cheating and “Who would you rather”. Awful. All I can say is, well done for being a worthy witness for God <3
xox Nadia
http://www.mielandmint.com
Nadia, thank you so much! It does brake your heart, that ladies don’t understand how speaking words like that can breath death, discontent, and destruction into a marriage. It’s funny because we live in a world that seems to be all about the power of your positive words, but completely ignores that there is an opposite to that too. Many blessing to you, and thanks for taking time to be part of this conversation!
Wow this post was so powerful! As a fairly new wife it is so wonderful to see other Christian women choosing to honor their husbands even after many years of marriage rather than succumbing to “worldly” norms. I’m so inspired by strong Christian marriages and I’m truly glad that I read this.
Eleanor, I’m so glad you liked it. I pray you’ll find the longer you’re married, the more conviction you’ll have on matters like this. It truly is a friendship, the more your with someone the stronger your bond grows. I hope you’ll always take a stand for your husband and for what you know is right. So happy you stopped by 🙂
I salute you! It is not okay to fantasize being in bed with another man other than your partner even if it’s just part of a joke; it never is and and it never will be.
Belle | One Awesome Momma
Belle, thank you! Yeah, I’m not sure, but I think it’s a matter of people becoming so used to seeing this stuff on TV, that it’s all become so commonplace these days. Modesty is lame, and “grey” talk is all the rage…well count me out!
I love this! I am the same way when it comes to my marriage. I have faced similar situations, but I get told “If I had a husband like yours maybe I’d be like that too maybe…” Kudos to you for standing tall for your marriage and your family and your beliefs.
Kenya, maybe that’s just it, everyone wants to be treated well FIRST, and then they’ll reciprocate. Respect is a two way street, and is probably something that should have been worked out before marriage. Thank you for sharing your thoughts!
I so agree. I think it is important to reach out to godly women when you are struggling with frustration or anger, but in a “please pray for me right now” way. I struggled with talking behind my husband’s back a lot and our marriage suffered. Now, I choose to honor him and not participate in that. (I am also fortunate that I don’t have a lot of friends that disrespect their husbands in that way either)
Jessica, such a great thought! Reaching out, and having support around us and exemplifying how we should act is very important. In other relationships (before I was saved) I admit I may have had these same thoughts, but after I met my husband and was saved, no one talked like that, so it wasn’t anything I worried about getting caught up in. I’m so happy that you’ve made a positive choice in your marriage and are surrounded by others who do the same. It such a wonderful example of why we have to choose our friends wisely. Thank you so much for shedding light on this point!
Very powerful! Great job sticking to your convictions and staying true to your marriage. There’s a time to seek out Godly prayer and counsel but we should never gossip about our marriages or fantasize about what could be different.
Bailey, you and a few others ladies have made some really good points about prayer here, so much that I feel that maybe that’s what I should be doing. Praying. Praying for the folks who feel compelled to speak in this manner about their marriage. I agree with you, if there is a struggle in our marriages, that’s something that should be taken seriously and not simply be cast aside and joked about. Thank you for sharing your thoughts.
Powerful words. Well done for staying strong and respecting your marriage!
Thanks Becca!
Love the way you have found the right solution for yourself and are sticking to it. It’s important not to give up and let society determine your behaviour. If these girls always speak that bad about their husbands, why are they with them in the first place? A little non-harm joke is fine but it all depends on what kind of level the conservation is held and how serious it is. Words can be very powerful – in either direction.
Nadine, I was thinking about the same thing when they were talking, our words can build up and tear down walls.
I love this!!! Our vows and are marriages are sacred things and to joke about the destruction of them is heartbreaking in an of themselves. Thank you! You aren’t alone in setting that boundary!
Courtney! Yes, Thank you! I just keep thinking about how much I love my husband and how much it would hurt if someone were to laugh at him. Why in the world would I be the one to invite everyone to laugh at him?? No way!
YES! 100% agree!! We are to honor our husbands not bash them!
Amaris, truth! I have nothing but love for him, I married him, I chose to love him, and I’m proud to be his wife. My words and actions will reflect my feelings. Thanks for stopping by and sharing!
Wow! Wonderful words of wisdom. “A wife of noble character is her husband’s crown,
but a disgraceful wife is like decay in his bones.” Proverbs 12:4. It is so scary how Satan is crafty, how he deviously makes us feel it is ok to do such things even as christians. That is why Peter tells us to be watchful, “Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil walks about like a roaring lion, seeking whom he may devour.” 1Peter 5:8.
I have faced many situations, maybe not similar, but situations where I was called to give a second place to my marriage. I praise God that He gave me enough wisdom to do the right thing in each of those situations. Once you are married, your family comes first. Everything else should be secondary. God has made this relationship so wonderful, we need to respect that if we love Him. Marriage is so much more than what the world tells us, or what the world sees, or understands.
Thank you for this wonderful post.
Clarissa, I’m so glad you enjoyed! You’re right, my husband & my family comes first before others around me. I definitely don’t need, or seek the approval of anyone else. I know what my Father says, and I know how delicate and precious a marriage is. Good for you for standing for your marriage too!
Dearest Jennifer! THANK YOU SOOOOOOOOO MUCH for this encouraging word!!!!! Your stance is so important and its deeply grounded in the Bible. I appreciate your model of protecting her heart, mind, home, marriage, and family. It’s so wise to reject jokes about forbidden and dangerous things. I recall a former co-working joking about serious issues. He professed to be a Christian too. He was doting on his children. Then slipped up and said that his wife must have had an affair cause his kids certainly didn’t get their “smarts” from him. I understood his admiration and pride in his kids but I cringed at his flirtation with a grave sin that hurts many husbands, wives, and kids the world over. Thanks for directing me and others to push back against harmful jokes or non-harmful fascinations with lust. Happy living life with giggles and grace; that’s a SUPER cute tag line. Hugs!
Jeanine, I’m thrilled you liked this post! I think sometimes we can feel awkward standing alone, and things may slip out of our mouths that once we walk away, we quickly regret. This topic of talking about our spouses as if they are less or even not wanted by us has become such a normal topic of conversation. I really believe that it’s all a front. Most of the people I hear talking like this truly do love their husbands or wives, it’s almost like an expected way of talking. Thank you for taking time to comment!
This is awesome! Yay for you standing up for what is right. I have found that typically people make fun of what they don’t understand…it’s sad that your standing up for your marriage is funny to them. I love reading about your dedication to your husband and honoring your vow before God. Love this, and sharing it!
Hi Jessica! Thanks for stopping by and commenting. I agree, when people feel awkward about a subject, they defer to ridicule. I’m learning to use these situations as a way to become more firm and sure of my responses. I hope that as I stand, others will feel more comfortable to stand firm also.
Wow, God has put an awesome thought into your head for you to share. This would be a good read for guys as well. I personally know a few that have coarse talk about their wives behind their back… so sad. Thank you for this.
Stacy, thanks so much for taking time to read. I totally agree with you, the men have to be just as careful (if not more because of pressures around them). I think it all starts with the heart, and how determined we are to keep our vows and take seriously the things we allow to have a position in our life. Truly, we have to guard ourselves.